Taking Chances
by WingWoman
Summary: Post Casino Night... Chapter four is up! Please review! Right now only the perfect words were acceptable. Any others were just superfluous nonsense.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Nope, I don't own anything. I'm trying to decide if this should be a one shot or a complete story… Please read it and tell me whether or not I should continue! I hope you like it!_

She was terrified.

Terrified to even look at him again. Although she felt his gaze return to her, she was unable to meet it. Because in his eyes she saw things that she couldn't even begin to comprehend.

In his eyes she saw everything that she always thought true love would be. The kind of love that she dreamt of when she was a little girl. The kind of love she always thought she would have before she meet Roy and realism ground those dreams into the dust.

She was scared of the way her heart raced as he kissed her, scared of the way her body fit his so perfectly, scared of the fact that kissing him felt so right, and scared that she had never wanted to stop. That she wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to kiss him again before the moment was lost, before her thoughts drifted back down to earth. She wanted to kiss him before this fear that was so terrible and yet so wonderful left her numb.

For a moment, the briefest moment, their hearts had become one. And that moment was one of the most precious things that she had ever experienced. Their single heartbeat had pumped through each of their intertwined bodies a tantalizing mixture of exhilaration, joy, guilt, sorrow, hope, love… and she wanted nothing more than to feel that rush again.

But instead she looked away from him and mumbled something about cameras.

"I don't care," he replied.

For the first time she realized that she didn't care either. Not anymore. The time for care and caution around them was over. It had ended long before tonight.

She wanted to tell that she was so incredibly afraid, she needed to tell him that, but her lips stayed tightly locked. A few silent moments passed in which each of them fought for the right words. Right now only the perfect words were acceptable. Any others were just superfluous nonsense.

Jim found them first.

"You think you can't, but you can," he said. "You deserve more than this. But you have to take a chance. And I know it's scary, so if you decide to marry Roy I won't try to stop you, and I won't judge you. But if you decide to take a risk, I promise I'll be there for you. Please, just think about it. Before the wedding's over."

He didn't expect a response and she didn't surprise him with one. The glass doors thudded behind him.

Only the camera witnessed her silent tears.

He had asked her to think about it. Think about leaving Roy, about jumping from her safe haven. And she believed that he would be with her on the plunge downward if she asked him to be. He always kept his promises. He had asked her to think, and she would think. She couldn't deny him that, not after tearing his heart into pieces.

Except that it was impossible to compare the two of them.

They were from different worlds. He was her work life, Roy was her home life. He made her laugh, Roy kept her safe. He loved her, so did Roy. Who did she love?

She felt sick.

This was all Jim's fault. He was wrong for telling her, for kissing her. He was wrong for telling the truth, for the first time. He was wrong for making her want to kiss him back, for making her want to kiss him again, for making her want to leave Roy and stay with him forever.

She was wrong for feeling this way.

Ten years. Ten years of commitment. She remembered her elation when Roy proposed to her. The thrill of finally seeing a path laid before her feet, the certainty of knowing that their relationship was heading somewhere.

How could she have known that it would have ended up here?

How could she choose?

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Of all the horrible Monday mornings she had ever experienced, this one had to be the worst. She couldn't go in to work today, she couldn't, she couldn't face him. What would she say to him? What would she do if he said something to her? How could she tell him that she had made her decision?

On Friday night the house was dark when she arrived home. Roy was snoring lightly in the bed. And she knew that she wasn't strong enough to leave him. Not even if she was in love with Jim. Not even if she almost drowned in sorrow every time Roy spoke a word to her.

Over the years she had poured so much love into him, so much care, so much history. If she left him, she would never recover all that she had given him, and she would be only a shadow of herself, a living ghost. The outcome of what she knew would be the biggest decision of her life was already settled. No matter how much she loved Jim. No matter how much she wished she could be with him. It wouldn't be fair to give him a sad phantom of a human being when he deserved the most complete, full of life girl in this world.

She didn't cry anymore. All of her tears had been spilled, and replaced by a chill that gnawed at every bone in her body.

She wasn't strong enough. She had used all her strength just to pull herself out of bed this morning.

And Roy hadn't noticed any difference.

_So should I keep writing this story or just end it here? I have a few ideas as to where this story would go…Please review and tell me what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your reviews! Getting them definitely makes my day a little bit brighter! I hope that you like the next installment… _

She was starring at her computer screen but had forgotten what she was looking at a long time ago. All of her attention was directed towards the glass doors that separated the office and the hall.

Usually he was one of the first people to pass through those doors in the morning. Usually he was one of the first to hang his coat on the rack by her desk. He was always the first to really smile at her as he walked by.

Today eight people had already filed in wearily, and he still was missing.

The ringing phone almost scared her out of her skin. "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam," she said automatically, trying to ignore her shaking hands and trembling voice. Her heart was still racing as she transferred the call over to Michael.

Only to look up and find that she had missed his quiet entrance. Vaguely she wondered if he had waited for such an opportunity to present itself so that he could slip in unnoticed.

He looked exhausted. His face was drawn and there was a droop to his shoulders that she hadn't ever seen before. And even more uncharacteristically, he wouldn't look up to meet her eyes.

If Michael hadn't come up to her desk at that moment it would have been hard for her to tear her eyes away.

"Pammm-eeela," screeched Michael. She winced, but placed a phony half-grin on her face as she took her eyes away from Jim's profile. A few seconds later she felt his gaze reach upwards touch her. And she was so ashamed by the simple honesty of his eyes.

"Will you fax these over to corporate? Jan seemed pretty upset for just a couple of late documents… Women, right?" Michael asked the camera, his face plastered with a smile.

"Sure, I'll send them out today," she replied, trying to ignore the wave of despair that had just flooded through her stomach. Any other day she would have looked at Jim, maybe rolled her eyes behind Michaels back. And just that simple little interchange would have been enough to brighten her whole morning. She reached out to take the thick stack of paper from Michael, determined to distract herself by engaging in yet another day of the meaningless work that was her life.

And immediately she realized her mistake as the pale florescent lights glinted on her engagement ring.

She felt Jim's eyes slide away from her slowly, slipping off the cold surface that was her icy heart. And all the warmth that one glance had given her she suddenly missed. The warmth that he had lent her just through by the strength of his green eyes. Looking at the band on her finger again, she felt nauseous.

She had done the right thing. She hadn't cheated on Roy. That was the right thing to do, all the laws of society agreed with her. She had done the right thing. And people who do the right thing are rewarded by other good things, right? Everything would be fine. She was fine.

A hand waving across her line of sight called her out of her thoughts.

"Hello, anyone in there?" Michael looked up at the camera and murmured "This one's a real space cadet."

"I'm fine!" snapped Pam, finally jerking the papers from his hands and spinning around in her chair. She spent the rest of the morning trying to lose all her worries in the little green light of the fax machine.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

She took a deep breath, trying to absorb the strength she would need to have this conversation. The metal door handle was cool and hard beneath her damp palm.

He was bent over the refrigerator in the break room, attempting to extract his lunch from behind whatever leftovers their coworkers had crammed into it. When he saw her standing there silently and nervously, he froze completely as if he had been caught doing something wrong. Releasing the breath she had held in, Pam finally opened the door and entered.

The silence between them was more than awkward, but she had yet to break it. The words were caught in between her mind and her mouth somewhere. Finally when she said nothing at all, Jim smiled sadly and straightened, starting to back out of the room.

"No, wait!" she exclaimed, and was embarrassed by how fragile her voice was.

"Pam – " he began brokenly.

"I'm so sorry," she interrupted, the first tear rising behind her eyelids. "I… I just…" The tear slid down her cheek.

"You don't have to be sorry."

A second and third tear streamed down her cheeks. He continued talking while she fought for control. "I made a mess of your life. Not the other way around. It should be me who's apologizing."

She couldn't stop the tears now. There was still tenderness in his voice. Tenderness for the girl who had kissed him and then torn his heart into shreds. She saw hesitation in the way he stood, and then his arms were around her and her head was drooping against his chest.

Warmth radiated from every inch of him, and he felt so solid in the mess of her life. He was her rock. His arms were the walls that protected her and forced all her sorrows away. And for a moment she could relax against him while time seemed to pause for them so that she could dry her tears with her cheek pressed to his heart.

When she looked up his eyes were impossibly near to hers, his amazing green eyes starring unashamedly into her unremarkable brown ones. Before she even gave herself enough time to think, she had pulled him down to her, kissing him in frustration and desperation and passion. She didn't even care if anyone saw, because his lips were so soft and he held her so close to his body, and this kiss was, if possible, even better than the last.

Until she felt him stiffen in her arms.

She wasn't his. She belonged to Roy.

Her tears returned, but this time she doesn't think that she'll be able to stand it if Jim embraces her again.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, and fled from the room and out of the office.

Her desk was empty for the rest of the day.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: I just couldn't seem to get this chapter from my head onto paper… I'm still not perfectly happy with it, but it's the best of many rewrites. Thanks again for all the reviews! I love getting them!_

Her bed was soft and warm. In it she could snuggle up under the covers and pretend that nothing else existed in the entire universe.

She had been having trouble getting up for the past few mornings. What could possibly be worth leaving her only sanctuary? The only place where she could let her imagination fly free into the darkness of the room. The place that was so dark that the form next to her could be anyone.

She heard Roy's footsteps in the hall and rolled over in her bed so that her back was facing the bedroom door. If she tried hard enough, maybe she could fool him into thinking that she was still asleep.

The door clicked open and she sensed his presence in the room, massive and irritated. "You aren't up yet?" he exclaimed in disbelief. "Pam, we have to go in half an hour, you have to get ready!"

There was no reason to get ready. No reason to go to work. No reason to leave the comfort of her bed to dress for another day of unbearable silence between their desks.

When she didn't stir, Roy sank on to the bed next to her and placed a hand on the small of her back.

That alone was enough of a reason to make her jump out of the bed and storm into the bathroom, pushing the door shut on his confused face.

He didn't deserve this. He was a good man, really. But she could no longer stand to let him touch her. Every time he touched her she felt as if she were suffocating. His hands felt so wrong on her, now that she knew what right felt like.

And with each passing day it became clearer that she had made the wrong decision. It took her many days to finally let herself admit that she was wrong. To finally realize that she couldn't do this any longer, no matter how scary it was to take that deep breath and just jump.

She had thought that staying with Roy was the honorable thing to do. But now the wedding was only two weeks away, and she saw it for what it truly was. A trap. For both of them. Was it really so honorable to bind herself to him even though she knew that she could never truly love him again? Was it right to lie to him for the rest of their lives? Was it right to deny him of someone who would really love him just because she was scared to leave him?

Was it right to deny herself of that?

After kissing Jim on Casino night she had realized that she loved him, and that she had been in love with him for a very long time. But it wasn't until their second kiss that she knew just how much.

Every day she felt the moment approaching when just a little push would send her into freefall. That push had come. That moment was now.

She slid back the lock to the bathroom door once again, finally sure that she had the strength to make things right.

And discovered that it was harder to be pained by the shards of her broken relationship when she was distracted by the rush of finally soaring free.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

By the times she arrived at Dunder-Mifflin she was already an hour and a half late. The bus had traveled at the speed of a slug, but at least she was here.

On the long bus ride she had imagined a million different ways to tell Jim that she had finally broken her engagement. Her imagination had run wild, coming up with ideas that grew steadily crazier as time wore on. Finally she realized that she didn't even need to tell him. He was Jim. He would just know.  
For the first time in weeks she wore a smile as she walked through the door.

Jim wasn't at his desk she was disappointed to see as she walked in. She glanced around the office, but didn't see him anywhere. Then she saw the envelope on her desk. The envelope with her name written on it.

And she knew that everything had gone horribly wrong.

She ripped open the envelope with shaking hands and found a page covered in his messy handwriting.

_Pam –_

_I'm sorry that I've caused you so much pain in the last two weeks. But I want you to know that I won't cause you any more. I can't stand to cause you any more pain. And that's why I'm leaving. Tomorrow is my first day working at the Stamford branch. I asked Jan for the transfer about a month ago. _

_I want you to know that I'll never be sorry that I loved you. Even though nothing came of it, loving you was the best thing that happened to me all these years in Scranton. Being with you here in the office was always the best part of my day, now matter how weird Michael and Dwight were. You're my best friend, and I'll always be there for you if you need me. It's the least I can do._

_I don't want you to feel at all guilty as you're walking down the aisle. I know that you'll be stunning and that it will be the best day of your life. _

_I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about this transfer in person. But the last thing I wanted this to be was some sort of ultimatum. This isn't about you, this is just something that I need to do._

_Now that I'm gone, you'll have to take charge of tricking Dwight. I think you can handle it by yourself, I've taught everything that I know._

_Love, Jim_


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: I guess that one of the first episodes of the third season is going to be called 'The Convention,' so this chapter is what I hope might happen during that episode… I hope you like it! _

It was going to be another one of those ridiculously long days. She had known that it would be since she woke up that morning. Since she had pulled today's outfit from a suitcase underneath her bed. Since she had gotten into the car next to Phyllis to drive to work. Since before Michael had announced an 'urgent' meeting would be held in the conference room at ten-thirty.

Now she shuffled into the room along with everyone else, filling the rows of uncomfortable chairs, and wasn't surprised to realize that she had been right. Everyday was a slow day since he had transferred.

She used to think that the days had be torture when they weren't speaking. But at least he had been there, at least she had been able to see him if she looked up from her desk. There were no words to describe how much she missed that.

She wasn't mad at him, but she couldn't follow him. Not yet, anyways.

_After reading his letter she had left the office in tears, wishing that he was there to hug her again, to stroke her hair and rock her back and forth in his arms. But he was gone, and his shadow was everywhere. _

_She had almost boarded another smelly bus bound for Stamford. Almost. But the chair in the bus depot had turned out to be an ideal spot for her to sit and think. And all she could think about was the fact that she was crying._

_She was crying, she was crying. She could taste salt on the tip of her tongue as she caught a single tear. Her eyes were blotchy and her hair was a mess. This situation was so wrong._

_She should be smiling. When she kissed finally kissed Jim again it should be perfect. When she finally kissed Jim again there should be no more lingering thoughts of Roy floating through her mind, no more tears. This wasn't right. _

_It wasn't the right time yet. She needed just a little more time. Pam dug through her purse and extracted her cell phone. She knew his number by heart. _

_His phone rang for a long time. Pam could practically see him holding his phone, trying to decide whether or not to answer._

_He finally did. _

_The bus left for Stamford without her._

_He would wait for her. Jim never broke a promise._

Michael finally entered the room, snapping her attention back to the present. "Good morning, my little worker bees!" he exclaimed loudly. "I bet that you are all wondering why I called you in here today. Would anyone care to guess?" He looked around expectantly, purposely ignoring Dwight who was frantically waving his hands through the air. "No guesses? None?"

"I have one Michael!"

"I know Dwight, I see your hand, It's not like I'm blind… Not that being blind is bad…" Pam closed her eyes, wishing that Michael could be normal just long enough to say what he wanted to say and let her get back to the half finished game of solitaire on her computer.

"Anyways, Jan told me today that we are going to be having a big Dunder-Mifflin convention on Friday night. A couple other branches are coming, and the CEO will be there, so this is kind of important… Jan said it will help decide which branch is going to be downsized, us or Stamford. So I expect you all to be there on Friday… none of us want to be downsized right? I'll have Pam send out a memo about the location."

Pam could feel every pair of eyes in the room watching her instead of Michael. She tried to suppress the smile that was creeping up her cheeks, but found that to be impossible.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The room where the convention was being held was already packed with people by the time that Pam arrived. She had dressed up a little more then was probably necessary, worn just a little more makeup than she usually did. And although butterflies filled her stomach, they felt wonderful there. It had been a long time since she had felt this sort of happy anticipation.

Trying not to be too obvious, she scanned the room for Jim's tall figure, but didn't see him. She looked again, surprised that he didn't stand out more. She missed him again, but did see Michael and Jan in a heated discussion next to one of the buffet tables. From the looks of it Michael was trying once again to convince her to go out with him. And from her expression Pam doubted that he'd be successful.

Finally Jan walked away from him, giving Pam an irritated smile as she passed.

"Hey!" Jim's voice was close behind her, startlingly close. She spun around, only partly regretting the fact that he had found her first, rather than the other way around as she had imagined. He looked exactly the same as she remembered him to be; twice as good as she had imagined him to look.

"Hey," she replied, her face lighting up.

For a few moments all either of them could do was stand absolutely still, wrapped in that one moment in time, absorbing the feel of each other's company, basking in the warmth of each other's smiles.

And then he was moving closer to her, running his hand over her shoulder, starring deep into her eyes. She was the one who reached up to kiss him, in front of an entire room full of people who melted away the moment his lips met hers.

She would never be afraid of the uncertainty that the future held again. Life had a wonderful way of working itself out.

_I really hoped you liked this story! I think that I'm done… But what do you think? Should I write an epilogue chapter or leave this how it is? Please share your opinions! _


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